Transfer Day!



Uterus at 9mm with layers (1 week before transfer)



Transfer time has arrived!  My body has been cooperating better than everybody had expected it so things got moved up!  I was very happy with moving things up…of course!   Just to be 100% sure, Dr. Uhler had me visit her in Oak Brook to check my uterine lining that would be present less than 24 hours before the procedure just to be 100% sure.  She wanted everything to be perfect.  I measured in at 9.2mm and the lining was glowing. (as it should look from the progesterone injections).   It was primed and ready for transfer without a doubt.  She talked with the ultrasound tech and asked twice is this really happening?!  It was pretty funny at the time.  Dr. Uhler pulled me into her office before I left and said this is going to be our best chance.  We are going for it.  She mentioned we are going at it very aggressively being that my lining looks beautiful.  We are using my two strongest embryos with a plush lining.   She said that Dr. Lederer would be performing my transfer downtown as he is the doctor on call for our transfer date.  She told me he is excellent as he has been with FCI for 16 years.  I had no worries.  I have heard good things from friends about him!



Our hatching blastocysts. The top blast is already coming out of the shell.



Less than 24 hours later we find ourselves at FCI – River North in the lab room.  We got there on time (with a full bladder).  The Embryologist walked in and said our embryos thawed nicely and look gorgeous.  They also did “assisted hatching”.  It is a technique where they manipulate the shell and assist with hatching it out of its shell to improve chances of implantation.  Everything looked good on the lab end, which was very re-assuring as the embryo quality is huge in a successful outcome.  Dr. Lederer came in to introduce himself to us, and he started off by saying that Dr. Uhler had emailed him and said take extra special care of Kathleen Davis.  She is a very special patient.  Of course Pat and I laugh.  He told us that he went over my history and said that this cycle is the best my body has ever cooperated and that on paper this is the perfect opportunity to transfer.  He said my embryos were perfect.  They look very strong.  Again, I was reassured.  He did end by saying of course there is no guarantee in this science, but he feels very confident in my case.  That is just what we needed to hear.  He looks at both Pat and myself and said are you ready for show time?  And we nod to him…Pat and I look at each other and we could see in each other’s eyes this is going to be it.  Let’s get this party started.  He walks out for the last time as the nurse and embryologist set up the room.  Once room was transfer ready, the nurse opened the door and yelled out “Ready in Room 3”. 



Watching our embryos on the TV as we are seconds away from the procedure.

I lay back on the table and the nurse preps me.  They put the camera on the embryos in the lab so we can watch them.  One thing I noticed right away was that one of the embryos was already coming out of the shell.  Haha I know that is a great sign…It wants to implant very soon!  The doctor said yes, that is a great sign!   That is what we want to see.  This time the procedure differed a little it as it is a different doctor.  He went much more slower.  He explained everything he was doing as he was doing it.  He even instructed Pat on when to take pictures.  His voice was very calming and smooth.  He talked with such confidence…I loved it!   By the end of the procedure, he said, “Katie, I have been doing this for many years, and by the way the catheter moved around inside your cavity and where I was able to place the embryos, I have a hunch about this one that it will end successfully.”  I smiled so big and replied, “Really??”  He said “yes, I do.”  He listened for the embryologist to give the clear that the embryos were indeed out of the catheter and in my body.  He started to clean up.   He shook my hand as I was still lying down on the table and said best of luck to you.  He shook Pat’s hand and we were done.

waiting patiently (with a full baldder)



Pat getting excited.









The embryo transfer.



I walked next door to Pulling Down the Moon for post transfer acupuncture.  It was just what I needed!  The perfect end to a perfect transfer!  Now we wait for the pregnancy test!  Say a prayer for us! J



St. Gerard and St. Rita neckalce from my parents. St. Rita = Saint of Impossible Dreams, St. Gerard = Saint of Motherhood and Fertility.



Keep the Good News Coming!

Again, we went in for another monitoring appointment downtown and again I worry...naturally.  It is nice that Pat is with me for this monitoring appointment.  Usually it is just me running in before work.  Now he gets to see how quick these appointments are, yet important!  I found comfort in his presence being there with me for such an important appointment.  We are at the River North location and it is ENTIRELY different than FCI - Naperville....there are different waiting rooms for ultrasound exams and blood work.  Woah baby!  Pat actually got lost trying to find me.  haha  He eventually found me and we waited for my name to be called for the infamous "lining check"  Roberta the UT introduced herself to us and gave us a tour of her room and advised me as to where to change.  I walk out and lay on the exam table.  In goes the camera, and there appears my uterus...I don't know exactly what it is, but we wait patiently for her to measure.  While she is measuring she says to us that Dr. Uhler had called at 6:45am from home to make sure that Roberta calls with my lining measurement right when we finished.  Roberta said she is acting as if I am her little duckling.  I love that Dr. Uhler has been watching me like a hawk!  It is very reassuring and I feel safe! 

Anyways, back to the ultrasound....Roberta announces I am at 9mm with layers.  It looks perfect!  I could not believe my ears!!!  I look at Pat and we were both in shock!  What a relief!  We feel this really is perfect!  What a relief!  Mind you, at the time of our last transfer I was at 7mm with no layers.  This is night and day different.  So I am excited to see what is in store!  Next, we went to the lab where they drew my blood to check hormone levels...all looked great!  It was a great appointment!

Dr. Uhler called me personally to discuss the results later in the afternoon.  She said, "I just wanted to call and hear your excitement because I know you are!"  We were both very excited on the phone.  It was a great conversation.  We went over some stats and where we are in the process.  Overall, we are right on path to find the light at the end of our tunnel.  I couldn't feel any better going forward!  I know I am already glowing with excitement!  :)

Keep us in your prayers!

What an Early, Happy Surprise!

I did take 2.5 months off to freshen up my uterine receptors per CCRM's protocal and added acupuncture weekly.  CCRM did say this would work for me in their professional opinion.  I remember I was thinking, that's it!?  No different meds?  No tests?  Just a couple months to deprieve my body?  OK...so here I am, taking the same meds, same protocal, with a more of a fresh start with holistic treatments supplementing 2.5 months later. 

I walk into FCI and of course, think here we go again.  I have no idea what I am going to walk into each day, but I couldn't imagine it any other way.  Though my lining has caused some trouble before, I know that this time could be different.  This is where I belong.  This is the priority.  SO I say hello to my family (FCI staff) who work there, hear about their families and weekend plans....I sit in the waiting room reading the usual gossip magazine to distract my thoughts and to clear my mind going into the ultrasound room in hopes my lining is growing. 

I lay down and talk to Patty, the ultrasound tech with that hint of hope and optimism in my voice.  The camera goes in and she is staring at the monitor as I stare at the ceiling.  She says, "Do you want to know what your lining is at?"  (With the biggest smile I have ever seen on her face)  I said well, with that smile, YES!  She said we have a triple stripe at 7.5mm (which I couldn't get before and haven't seen since last Aug/Sept. during a mock cycle)  I was in utter awe!  I could not believe that I had the triple stripe!  CCRM mentioned that is essential to have with all cases and they do not perform transfers without it!  SO here I am, with a triple stripe AND 7.5mm - and still time to grow more!  Dr. Uhler is elated!  She said this can't be the same uterus as before...wow!!  Impressed is an understatement.  I am on cloud 9!  I am pretty sure I floated out of the office....I don't want to jinx it, but I am praying things continue in this direction....all good things are ahead!  I can just feel it! 

This could most definitely be the one! :)

The Science of Baby-Making

I am well on my way and loving life so far.  I am feeling fantastic, besides the first couple days I started my drugs.  The Viagra took me for quite a whirl.  I wasn’t expecting it…I should have seen it coming because I was on this drug before, but I think my mind-body was all over the place and I just felt yucky all the time and was immune to it.  How sad.  Now that I started fresh, with a renewed sense of what “normal” feels like, I can feel side effects more significantly.  Just for the record – Viagra causes BAD headaches and creates food aversions!  Being deprived from hormones for months, definitely hit my body hard the first couple days.  I felt a little woozy, but stronger than before!   Strange, I know.  I think my body loved it, but the Viagra definitely hit hard!  I am excited to see what exactly is going on in the baby-maker!  Haha Time will tell.

As I continue on this cycle, I have found so much comfort in my holistic approaches to treatment.  I feel it is getting me in the right mindset to tackle this beast of a process.  Not only is it helping by bringing my mind-body to an equilibrium, but aids in creating a successful body to work with on the medical side.  My previous shortcomings now are becoming less of a target as I felt before.  I have put less pressure on myself than before.  I have more faith in the process, God, and science. 

I have been doing acupuncture now for 2 months and it has changed me.  My stress has been minimized, something I was not expecting to the degree that is apparent…I sleep better, maintain healthier body functions, and have created a more cooperative body to work with for FCI.  I have also booked a massage with Cathy this Sunday at the River North location that is called, “Enhance the Blood” which I read at www.pullingdownthemoon.  This massage works on blood flow targeted to thickening of the uterine lining to prepare for pregnancy.  Being as how much I fell in love with acupuncture, I know I will not be disappointed with the massage.  They have created their own protocal of massages in a series.  Check it out!  It is called the FEM protocal.  http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/massage.php 

Plus, it is in the perfect location for spending a nice little afternoon in the city with my hubby!  We love spending days in the city every chance we get!  I have heard wonderful things and am eager to give the massage a try!  Like I have said before, I am leaving no rock unturned on this cycle.  I want to go into my next transfer knowing everything was done to increase my chances for success!   Also, it’s not like you have to pull my arm for acupuncture or massage anyways.  ;-)

Pat and I were given our consent forms this week to complete and get notarized, yet another time.   Here we are faced with our major decisions for our upcoming procedure in the not-so-distant future.  It is becoming very real again.  I am excited, yet nervous…   Cautiously optimistic is the best way to put it into words.   

I am a new, recharged, rejuvenated Katie.  I am all-around in a better state to find success.  I feel this is the one!  :)

All Systems Are Go!

It is weird that when this day came, I thought I would feel the same as before.  I feel 100% different than the first time it came around.  Sure I feel excited, a little scared even.  But most of all - this calming optimism.  I am not sure if it is because this is not my first rodeo, or that I know my support system grows by the day, or even just that I am ready and relaxed – leaning on prayer and spiritual guidance, along with the wisdom every IVF patient soaks up through the tribulation.  My mindset is in a different place.  I believe my coping mechanisms have strengthened.  I have found better strategies and solutions to difficulties I experienced before.  Most of all, I am excited of course! 

Pat is excited as well.  He has put on his “injection hat” and is geared to go…Now that he does research in the lab at Rush for his Masters project, I feel I am his at-home science project based off our latest conversations.  Haha It is kind of humorous to hear our conversations.  If only you could be a fly on the wall...he likes to request all my lab results and have them at home to read and analyze.  I guess it is good practice for him!  ha

Blood level results and ultrasound looked great!  Shanon, my nurse, even commented that it is even a BETTER starting point and the little break we took did my body good so far!  Always good to hear coming from her…being that I trust her with my life.  Not much to update, but wanted to share everything is looking good!  Even the smallest of good news is always worth celebrating!  Something I have learned over the last several months. 

It is refreshing to have our dates all laid out!  So much to look forward to, but definitely taking it one week at a time...

Mother's Day

Mother's Day has an entire new meaning to me.  We do not celebrate just those who gave birth to us, but to those who devoted and sacrificed EVERYTHING from Day 1.  I woke up this morning somewhat sad thinking of, why me?  This day should've felt different to me at this point in our journey.  I was expecting to be celebrating as a mother to be.  However, that is not the case, rather just in spirit.  I quickly jumped out of my pity party and changed the direction...With these thoughts and reflecting on how much emotion, effort, etc we have put into our soon to be child really made me think of the mothers in my life.  I can now say...I get it.  Mothers would go to the end of the earth for their children.  I know first hand that I would do anything and everything for our children who have not even been conceived yet.  This WANT has made me stronger and, in a sense, invincible. There is nothing that will stop me.  I know all mothers are invincible when it comes to their children.  The love of a mother to a child is one of the strongest bonds of all.  Although, my bond is still in the early stage, and I have not even met my child, I can already sense it.  I am already a mother at heart at this stage.

My Mother

Of course being infertile brings on such varied emotions on this day, some expected, some not so much.  I even looked at the smile on my mom's face in a different way.  I know that genuine love that even the smallest of gatherings means the world to her.  Calling my mother-in-law and hearing about her mother's day and catching up is important.  Just the connection between moms and children are powerful.  I never saw the impact of this as much as I did today.  I have a new found respect for all mothers.  I can now relate to that irrational, inconveinient love that you have displayed to us since we could remember.  You have been wonderful examples to me.  You have taught me what it means to be a good mother.  It is this that I know will make me a great mom.  I just feel it in my heart and see it in my dreams.

A good friend of mine shared a poem with me that really hit home for some of the emotions I experienced today.  It is comforting in knowing I am not alone with feeling the emotions I experienced today.  Love you KOB! :)

“Happy Mother's Day”

It comes around every year;

but when you have empty arms,

it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,

for all the trials she overcame;

and a reminder to an infertile

of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,

Is it just conception and birth?

Or is there something more,

that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,

in everything you do;

it's sacrifice and determination,

and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,

around a child not yet conceived;

she loves them even though they aren't here,

more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,

what a blessing that children are;

she works hard for just a chance,

that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,

and yet she still has hope;

everyday is another struggle,

finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,

she can still be a mother too;

So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”

for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

Fashion for Fertility

Fashion for Fertility was a huge success!  Raising funds for the RESOLVE organization made for the perfect afternoon.  It was a perfect Spring day in Chicago!  The weather was perfect!!  There were laughs and tears throughout the afternoon.  The speakers were awesome!   As for my speech, it went perfectly, at least I think so!  It went smoother than my Birdies for Babies speech.  I definitely did not start crying and had to have my husband finish it for me this time!  haha  I was so nervous before I started...Once it was my turn to speak, I got to the podium and felt as if I was having a convesation with my friends.  The audience knows these stories are sad and come from a place of vulnerability.  From what I heard, I got some positive feedback.  Apparently, my story made an impact on the audience.  I was stopped by each guest throughout the "Meet and Greet" and said "You are simply amazing."  "Your story is truly inspiring."  "How could somebody so happy and looking fabulous, have gone through so many unfortunate things, and still trudge forward?"  or even "Can I just give you a hug?"  I was speechless.  After hearing these things from complete strangers throughout the event validated why I am there.  I now know my story impacts so many people and today most definitely prooved that.  It is nice hearing how others find comfort and support through me.  I was truly touched by all the guests at the Four Seasons today and it was a pleasure meeting everybody.  It was a room full of influential people!  You guys are the real heros.  :)

For those who did not get the opportunity to come to the event who wanted to hear my speech, here it is!  Sorry I didn't get a video, but this will do...

********************************************************************************

Good Afternoon Everybody.  My name is Katie and I am a current patient of FCI. 

Just to give you a little background information on my situation, I was diagnosed with cancer in 1999 when I was 12 years old.  I was diagnosed with germ-cell ovarian cancer.  I of course, thought I was going to die.  My doctors gave me a 65% of survival.  I hadn’t known many people who have had cancer that actually survived.  Cancer was a death sentence.  We found that the cancer was growing from both my ovaries.  Unfortunately, both had to be removed in surgery.  Through my adolescent naivety, I thought, well, I don’t need those I don’t think…at least not to survive…so I thought it was ok.   When all surgeries were finished and chemotherapy had started,  I was taught what an ovary was because I had no idea.  I was only 12 years old.  I then learned I would never be able to conceive naturally, but only through the means of IVF.   

I thought who is going to marry me with knowing all this about me?   I wouldn’t marry me….It’s not going to be an easy road having children…and then I found a man who knew the hardship ahead and was on board. He is my best friend. Without him, I would not be sane at this point. I would not be the positive, happy-go-lucky Katie you all know and see. He is my angel.  For him I am thankful ...the strength and support he gives to me daily is remarkable. He handles our situation with such ease even though ease is the opposite of what our reality is.

Here we are 12 years later...I am now married to a man whom I love and who I want to have children with.  We knew we both wanted children right away.  Our hearts have always been bigger than our heads.   Immediately following our wedding, we found ourselves at FCI meeting Dr. Uhler to go over our unique case to embark on our journey to have children.  At this consult appointment, we learned we did not have any insurance coverage. My stomach fell to the floor.  I thought there had to be some mistake.  My insurance is good.  Let me double check that as I say with a white, pale face to the receptionist.  Not only did we know we needed IVF, but we needed to have an egg donor which increases the financial burden with a final estimated cost of at least $25k and that is if it worked the very first attempt.  My initial thought was…We are only 24 years old…who has this kind of money?!   We decided that day we would do all the diagnostic testing because that was covered by insurance and get everything ready up until the point where we had to pay the big bucks until we could come up with a plan.

I immediately went home and thought “There has to be SOMETHING in this world to help people like us.  Maybe for cancer survivors...or anything…Grants, loans, fundraisers, ANYTHING…we were desperate.  I made a few phone calls to some promising leads I found online, but there was no success.  IVF just didn’t look like a possibility for us at that time.  It broke my heart because cancer was to blame for all of this turmoil yet again.

One day, while I was browsing the web, I came across FCI’s facebook page and saw the words “Win a Free IVF cycle.”  I actually laughed and thought what a cruel scam…who would post this unless it was entirely true with no catch…I double clicked the link and it brought me to Birdies for Babies website.   Here we found that FCI is the title sponsor for this incredible event.  As I read each qualification for a candidate couple, we matched perfectly.  I opened the application and saw the due date for all applications was July 16, 2010.  And guess what the date was…July 16, 2010.  I thought oh they probably have chosen somebody by now, but what the heck…I am going to send it in anyways…what do we have to lose?  I filled in all my contact information and was given 5 lines to write a little bit about my story.  I chuckled and said OK!  I can try to sum my story all up in just 5 lines.  SO I typed as fast as my anxious hands could type and emailed it in to Todd and Melissa Trader, the founders of Birdies for Babies.

Two weeks went by and we were chosen as the beneficiaries for 2010!  Our morale, confidence, and excitement were at an all time high.  We felt our dreams were coming true.  We were able to try to have our first child!  I had to call Todd Trader the morning I found the email on my way to work and asked, “Does this mean what I think it means?  I don’t want to get too happy until I know it is definite.” And he replied “You can get happy now.  This is 100% for real and we want to help you guys.”  That morning was a morning we will remember forever.

The event was a huge success!  With the help of FCI and Birdies for Babies we were able to afford the IVF treatments we needed and we were able to choose a donor and proceed with our first cycle.





We started our first cycle in November of 2010 which ended up being cancelled due to lining issues, and again in December with the same story…We took both the cancellations pretty hard because we were so excited to get to transfer.  Then came February….we transferred on February 16 that ended with a negative pregnancy test on February 28.  We were crushed.  Words really can’t describe that kind of pain and disappointment.  We knew going into this that there was always a possibility of failure, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.  There is always a possibility of failure...that is just the name of the game.  We really thought it was going to work on the first try…but oh well…life just isn’t that easy for us…Again, I blame cancer for all of this and the residual pain it still causes me.   Even with such horrible news, our FCI family stepped up and was there for us twofold.  They approached me for my follow-up consult with Dr. Uhler with comfort, hugs, and condolences.  The support FCI has attributed to me was simply amazing.  I couldn’t have imagined anybody else being there for me like they were.  They handled a not-- so –ideal situation with incredible support and love.  The relationships I have formed with the staff the FCI staff is truly something I cherish.  They are forever considered my lifelong friends. Thank you FCI for all that you have done for Pat and I.  We love you guys!

We then took 2 months off to give my body time to recover and become fresh again for our upcoming cycle.  Doctors orders!  Resting my uterine receptors will create the optimal environment for our future embryos with this next cycle.  We added acupuncture and yoga courtesy of PDtM to our protocol along with a 2^nd opinion from a physician at CCRM in Colorado whom Dr. Uhler works closely with.  With these two months, we feel rejuvenated and stronger as a couple and eager to get the ball rolling again.  Of course we know the hurt and sadness this could lead to, but we know how sweet the feeling will be once we hear the words “You’re pregnant.”  It’s never a guarantee, but the hope of achieving pregnancy is what keeps us going.  This journey has brought us closer than we have ever imagined we could be, and we know it will make us better people, and more importantly, better parents.

In the meantime, we stay busy and reconnect with each other back to the days before IVF to keep our relationship strong.  We focus on friends, family, and work.  We love helping wherever we can with the planning and organization for future Birdies for Babies’ events because if it weren’t for an event like that, we would not be here right now with just the opportunity to even try.  We know we are truly blessed.   We have met so many wonderful people along our journey so far.  We know we could say thank you a hundred times over, but the real thank you that proves the most meaning is to pass it forward and to give advice, open an ear, share our story, or even donate/participate in another couple’s fundraiser. We know it means the world to that person.  I am that person right now, and it has made a world of difference.  The people who have reached out to us really have touched my heart in a way they will never know.  I am forever changed from this crazy world of IVF and the people I have met along the way.   We have learned that passing it forward is what it is all about.

To End, I would like to leave you with this quote.  “I don’t need easy, I just need possible.”  Thanks to the medical advances and the medical staff at FCI we know that there are solutions out there and it is possible for us to achieve success and we will not give up until we find success and have our little baby at home with us.  Cancer will not take everything away from me.  Pat and I, along with FCI, will figure everything out to overcome this obstacle.  It really takes a village to raise a child, or in my case, make a child.

Thank you.

Cha Ching!!!

Oh I felt this was worth posting....so happy!

I ordered all my meds and they are ready to go!  Viagra is part of my medicine protocol again this time around, but I am not sure if people know this, but Viagra costed us $1600 for our last cycle which was for 85 pills because it is still under patent in the US.  It was disgusting!  It was a definite blow to the stomach at the Walgreens pharmacy...the pharmacy tech even said ouch...haha I can laugh about it now in hindsight....

SO I did some research, and asked if I can order my meds from Canada because they are off patent and I can buy the generic.  It was approved!!  Dr. Uhler said that makes sense actually.  When she was working in California she had patients go to Mexico for meds.  However she feels Canada would be best in my case.  The US lags behind approximately 3 years when it comes to patent laws.  So we got 192 pills for $275 from a Canadian pharmacy!  Of course those who know me know I research EVERYTHING....I am no stranger to online shopping!!  So until I found a pharmacy I felt comfortable with and the prices were in a competitive range, I was holding off...that's just the savvy shopper in me.  And I then I found the place...we know our timeline so I made the accommodations and it was done!

We couldn’t believe it…I wish somebody would’ve shared that with me earlier…That just goes to show you that you have to do your own research!  There are loopholes to be found!  Hahaha

Here we go again...

Happy Spring!  (...or Rainy weather season...)

This weekend is FASHION FOR FERTILITY!!!  It is finally here!!  I can not wait to go to the Four Seasons-Chicago! It is such a beautiful hotel!  I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.  The food will be amazing, but what will even be more amazing is the company...I can't wait to see everybody again!  I feel there are so many people I have not seen since Birdies for Babies last September!  I am excited to see everybody in a couple of days!  I am also excited to be transported to the event via car service!  How sweet is that not having to have to fight Chicago traffic to get there!!   That takes away some added stress for sure! 

And for those who follow my blog so closely, PLEASE come up to me and say hello!  I would love to meet you in person and hear about your story and where you are at in your journey!  You all have said such positive and encouraging words to me and it means alot to us!  If you are still looking to buy tickets they are still on sale!!  Get your tickets before they are all sold out!  Here is the link!  I look forward to meeting you all in person!

http://www.fashionforfertility.eventbrite.com/ 

My speech is just about done!  Pat doesn't think it is hard, but it is!!  He said just tell your story as it is...it's a good story without even having to think about it.  I guess he is right, but I still need bullet points so I don't ramble...because I tend to do that when I get nervous..  ;-)  I promise I am practicing...haha  It is a good story especially because I know so MANY women who have stories of their own that make them feel so alone and "not typical" in this crazy, unpredictable world.  If you ask any couple their story of why they are sitting in an infertility office, they are always sad stories.  I am just glad that people feel comfortable enough with me to share those stories because I know how important it is to get it all out there.  It's nice having at least one outlet.  I feel surrounded by support and strength and I thank all of you for that.  It's what keeps me going....

Our 2 months off was just what we needed.  Pat and I were able to recharge our batteries while giving my uterus a break from the meds.  (forced break by CCRM...doctors orders!)  We were able to have fun again and just laugh and go on dates....not having to worry about what I was eating or not eating or drinking...it was refreshing and we felt like ourselves again.  I didn't realize how much it all took over my life.  We just felt so routine in that lifestyle.  Pat and I are now even closer than ever, and stronger.  I feel my body is going to react differently just based off that alone.  I know that may sound weird, but my levels of stress have plummeted.  I am a ready to get going again!  I have all my supports in line and geared to go!

As for the juicy stuff...we are again, getting closer to another round!!  Meds are all taken care of, 2nd and 3rd opinions are in, new plan is set, staff at FCI is ready to see me weekly again, Dr. Uhler is excited to get started with this new plan, and now on to the execution of Mission: Baby Davis....Of course I am excited, but I am also nervous.  I can still remember that sting from the last cycle.  It HURT!  My heart ached for so long... But of course it will make good news that much sweeter!  Stay tuned for more updates as it all unfolds...I am excited to see how the meds will react this time around....also with the addition of acupuncture and feritlity yoga with Pulling Down the Moon!  I have a great feeling in the pit of my stomach...The best way to describe it as having butterflies in your stomach when going down a hill...its a great feeling to have going into a cycle.

Until next time....

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
--Thomas A. Edison

CCRM opinion and Fertility Yoga

I had my 2nd opinion from CCRM in Denver last week.  Looks like his opinion will be executed here in Chicago under the care of my current doctor (and his good friend) Dr. Uhler.  He holds Dr. Uhler in such a high regard...he had so many positive things to say about her.  He said that I am in the best hands here in Chicago.  He did say that if I were being treated anywhere else in the city he would have advised me to see FCI!  How amazing is that to hear from a pioneer in the infertility field!!  He seems confident in his plan for us!  We are very excited to try it!  It really does make sense and I am relieved to hear his optimism and certainty in me!  It is always very reassuring to hear such confidence!  I was so nervous for what he was going to say because it could have been anything.  I really did not know what to expect so I went into the consult with an extremely open mind...very nervous and excited!  I have been looking forward to it all month!  Looks like we will be starting earlier than we thought!  He concluded that it is too premature for me to undergo a biopsy.  He does not find me as the ideal candidate for that test at this point as he has something different in mind!  He doesn't feel that the biopsy would come out abnormal.  He does not think that was the problem the first time around...I loved hearing his thoughts and most of all his explanation on the very nitty gritty details on my case.  He made me feel like he has seen this before and knew exactly what was happening.  He did say that this science has no guarantees, but he feels really strong about my case and it ending in success.  He said to be real aggressive at this point.  He is sending a report of our conversation to Chicago to Dr. Uhler and we can use his ideas for my next cycle!  In the meantime, I will be continuing acupuncture and yoga to prepare my mind and body for the real deal!  Ahh!!  :)


Today, I had my one-on -one session at Pulling Down the Moon with Beth Heller.  First of all, she is a remarkable women with such a great attitude.  It is people like her who truly get you to feel anything is possible if you just believe.  My first visit to the River North location was great!  I did get some deja vu from my last transfer experience as it is next door to FCI, but we will be back soon, but this time ending in a better ending!!  :)  Being it was my first yoga session ever, I did not know what to expect.  I have bought Beth and Tami's book, "Fully Fertile" to get a better grasp of what yoga was all about straight from the experts.  Infertility is alllll about reading to become an expert on everything...it just comes with the territory!  I learned alot today!  Beth was very patient with me.  She explained everything!  Every pose we did, pertained directly to my needs.  There are particular poses and breathing techniques that will help me on my infertility journey.  I loved that my session was one-on-one with Beth because I really felt we really tuned into my particular needs.  She knows all about my story and my case at this point so she already knew where to start and how to go about the entire session.  We were working for 90 minutes in the yoga studio!  Time flew by!  I really felt my mind drift to an entirely different place!  The poses made my body stretch into poses I have never moved in before.  Beth advised me to do the poses and breathing techniques at least three times a week at home.  Trust me, I will!  I want them to become more natural and more fluent!  Also, I LOVED the lavender oil Beth used during our session!  I have been doing some reading and have read that the scent of lavender is related to stress relief!  That is why I have lavender scented Yankee Candle candles all over our home!  haha Love love love LAVENDER!  All in all, I have been extremely impressed with PDtM!  They have helped me tremendously with getting my mind and body in check for our next cycle!  Check out their services!  They are there to help women in our boat!  They are experts and know exactly how to help!  Trust me it is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future family!  Check them out and set something up!  Treat yourself, you deserve it!


http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/



** I don't need easy, I just need possible." **

Pulling Down the Moon - Acupuncture

Acupuncture was AMAZING!  When I walked in the room where my treatment was going to take place, there was soothing music and dim lighting with what looked like a very comfy bed with warm pink blankets.  Also, being that it was held at FCI – Naperville, I felt extremely cozy in this familiar environment.  I felt extremely comfortable with Jonathan from Pulling Down the Moon!  He explained everything from my medical history to my present state.  Since this is an IVF patient foundation, he had such knowledge on treatments and stresses my body is facing.  I loved the fact that he knew so much about IVF.  I filled out all the intake forms and we talked briefly before we started my treatment.  We started with my first technique and I have to say I was not nervous about any needles.  I think being an IVF patient takes any needle phobia away!  Heck, I did not even feel them go in!  ha I am so de-sensitized at this point!  While I laid in my deep state of meditation I noticed two instances where I felt I was relieved of stress significantly!  I was not sure what I would feel, but at two instances during today’s treatment, I felt something so relaxing that I have never felt before.  Words cannot explain it.  I now understand the “balance” that I read about.  When the needles are put into you, you will know what that “balance” they are referring to!   You can actually feel this balance!  Also, the dim lighting and soothing music makes your mind drift to another place….I guess a happy place because I had happy visions!  It was such an amazing first experience.  Jonathan gave me three things to do at home in the interim until we meet again next week.  I liked his insight and background information on his reasoning for giving me my to-do list.  I felt he was very knowledgeable on this topic and I can not wait to continue working with him!    I am going to continue my acupuncture treatments weekly!  I can’t wait to see it and when it affects my next cycle!  J

If you are considering acupuncture and are currently in IVF treatments, look into Pulling Down the Moon!            http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/

Cycle 2, New Season, New Beginnings...

On to Cycle #2....

Pat and I feel so much stronger these past few weeks.  We have grown closer and stronger as a couple.  As a couple, we have worked through all our emotions that we were not expecting to have to work through.  We had our time of grief and sadness, but have mustered up our energies to be focused on our next cycle which we are very excited to embark on!!!  We have such a good feeling about our next cycle!  Winter is over, and Spring has arrived with new beginnings...(Hopefully bringing us the good news we have been waiting for! )

As part of our game plan with Cycle #2, we are adding in Acupuncture and one-on-one yoga sessions.  Beth Heller and Tami Quinn reached out to me from Pulling Down the Moon this week to inform me of these holistic fertility treatments to add to my regimen to increase my chance of success.  I have always heard about this being mentioned in fertility blogs and mentioned occasionally by Dr. Uhler and Shanon, RN.  I was not too sure about it during Cycle #1.  I was still doing some research and realized the costs associated with it that deterred me from going through with it.  I thought, if Cycle #1 was not successful, I would consider adding acupuncture and yoga to my regimen.  Beth Heller and Dr. Uhler mentioned that research has proven acupuncture to increase our chances for success.  So of course I am going to try it this time!  No more thinking about it!  Pulling Down the Moon was featured on WGN News recently and everything that Beth and Tami talked about on their special in regards to success was repeated verbatim by Dr. Uhler and Shanon, RN.  I am excited to start!  I have heard from other patients who added this to their regimen and shared how it changed their luck with phases of their cycles!  We have been told this could be our missing piece to the puzzle.  Acupuncture starts weekly starting next week!!!  Pulling Down the Moon will be coming to FCI - Naperville to do my weekly treatment which will be so convenient!  Yay!!  I recently purchased Beth and Tami's book "Fully Fertile" from amazon.com.  I have heard it is such a great tool from other patients and is a must read.  As soon as I start reading more, I will share my thoughts on it.  However, after meeting both Tami and Beth, I am inspired at the wisdom and attitudes.  They are such dolls!  Truly remarkable women in every aspect!  So I am anxiously anticipating starting their book coinciding with my treatment!  Please follow this link to see all services offered by PDtM.  They offer so many great holistic treatments to help women who face this battle.  http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/

Not only am I adding these two strong components, I am also adding another expert from Denver, CO (Dr. Eric Surrey from CCRM) from the #1 clinic in the country to consult on our case.  Dr. Uhler said she did her fellowship with him years ago and would really respect his opinion on our case.  She said she does not see many 24 year olds without ovaries due to cancer and with my hormone history, but if anybody has seen anything even close to me, he would!  CCRM handles all the cases that are deemed impossible.  They have many case studies and medicine regimens that could benefit us immediately and CCRM may have our best regimen.  The FCI team feels that this is going to be one of the major pieces to my puzzle and that I should feel real confident with this next cycle.  CCRM + FCI is the absolute best!  Nobody feels that our case is impossible, but Dr. Uhler wants to bring in the "big guns" right away!  And as her patient, I admire that she is reaching out to another expert to work closely with us...like a team!  No more trial and error...We are going to work as a team to find success!  This is also a huge component to Cycle #2. 

As always, Keep us in your prayers as we move forward...we have all our meds ordered and delivered, acupuncture scheduled, yep!  We....Are....Ready....

With Much Love - Thank You! :)

Thank you so much for all your words of encouragement and support as we got through these past couple weeks! It is unfortunate we were not blessed with good news, but we are happy to announce we will be trying again shortly!  We feel blessed to be surrounded by such supportive family and friends!!!  It is though that that love and support that gives us the strength and confidence to try again!  We love you all and thank you for being there for us!  Special thanks to those who have reached out to me.  I appreciate you all sharing your own experiences with me.  I especially love the part where they all have a happy ending at the end.  You have all inspried me.  Dr. Uhler has a great next gample plan we feel great about!  We are getting very excited for our next round hopefully with good news at the end!  J

Also, I was invited to speak on my story at Fashion for Fertility on April 23 at the Four Seasons Hotel downtown for a luncheon to kick-off Fertility Awareness Week!  Of course I would love nothing more to help out where I can because infertility has touched my life so significantly and is an obstacle we are currently facing.  I have always been very open about our journey because I have found so many people reach out and thank me for my openness and give people an outlet or even to offer good advice to me at each milestone.  We are all walking on unchartered territory and we need each other to help us get through this…  Please come out and support the battle of infertility that so many families face everyday.  It is one of the most hardest fights many couples face.  Also, come meet the incredibly talented physicians at FCI!  I have attached the link to purchase tickets. 

http://fashionforfertility.eventbrite.com/?ref=etckt

Come out and show your support and enjoy a lovely afternoon at the Four Seasons - Chicago!  J

The Results Are In.....

The Results are in....  Sadly our first attempt was a negative.  :( 

 

Dr. Uhler called to give me the news personally and to apologize.  I was crushed and could not stop myself crying.  It was then very real and was not a bad dream.  I felt like I was punched in the stomach and couldn't breathe...it was horrible.  We were scheduled to meet immediatly the following day to discuss what may have happened and what to do next for our next try.  I went to FCI - Oak Brook Terrace as she was there for this given day and I didn't want to wait to a later time in the week to discuss the details I so desperatly wanted to know.  As I walked in to her office, I knew I needed to remain strong to hear the important things she was about to tell me as they would impact us greatly in our near future.  I did not want to cry...I wanted to appear strong and still hold onto the optimism I have engrained in my heart.  She said she felt like everything looked good...lining was good, blood was good, etc.  The FCI staff at Naperville said it was the best cycle to date to use for a transfer with my body.  Everybody was in agreement.... so what was the problem???  Of course there is no guarantee and there is not always a reason.  She said it takes couples more than one try to find success and I know there is so much truth to that because the more IVF cycles you try the greater your chance of success.  It is the choice to continue that is the difficult one.  She did say this was just your first attmept at "trying".  She sounds very positive and optimistic about the future, as do we.  Our next game plan is already in the works with our eyes still on the prize.  I will be undergoing another test to make sure everything comes back looking good...I am eager to start "trying" again.  It's the wait until the next transfer that seems like an eternity, but it is not in reality.  The dream of being pregnant was amazing even if it was only for 12 days.  It is a feeling I yearn to get back, but to end this next time with a positive pregnancy test.  Somebody wise has said to me, "IVF is not made for the weak.  Those who are on this journey are some of the strongest people you will ever meet."  Pat and I have always been a strong couple, but it's times like these that we have really leaned on each other to get through this.  I do believe this because this pain we have felt over the past few days is hard to shake.  It is a pain unlike any other and I would not ever wish this on my worst enemy.  My insides are still aching.  However, we are NOT done.  This journey is not over.  It is not a sprint...it's a marathon.  We are now looking forward to our next try with the hopes of success at the end.  Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes.  We keep them close as we are getting through this difficult time together.