The Results are in.... Sadly our first attempt was a negative. :(
Dr. Uhler called to give me the news personally and to apologize. I was crushed and could not stop myself crying. It was then very real and was not a bad dream. I felt like I was punched in the stomach and couldn't breathe...it was horrible. We were scheduled to meet immediatly the following day to discuss what may have happened and what to do next for our next try. I went to FCI - Oak Brook Terrace as she was there for this given day and I didn't want to wait to a later time in the week to discuss the details I so desperatly wanted to know. As I walked in to her office, I knew I needed to remain strong to hear the important things she was about to tell me as they would impact us greatly in our near future. I did not want to cry...I wanted to appear strong and still hold onto the optimism I have engrained in my heart. She said she felt like everything looked good...lining was good, blood was good, etc. The FCI staff at Naperville said it was the best cycle to date to use for a transfer with my body. Everybody was in agreement.... so what was the problem??? Of course there is no guarantee and there is not always a reason. She said it takes couples more than one try to find success and I know there is so much truth to that because the more IVF cycles you try the greater your chance of success. It is the choice to continue that is the difficult one. She did say this was just your first attmept at "trying". She sounds very positive and optimistic about the future, as do we. Our next game plan is already in the works with our eyes still on the prize. I will be undergoing another test to make sure everything comes back looking good...I am eager to start "trying" again. It's the wait until the next transfer that seems like an eternity, but it is not in reality. The dream of being pregnant was amazing even if it was only for 12 days. It is a feeling I yearn to get back, but to end this next time with a positive pregnancy test. Somebody wise has said to me, "IVF is not made for the weak. Those who are on this journey are some of the strongest people you will ever meet." Pat and I have always been a strong couple, but it's times like these that we have really leaned on each other to get through this. I do believe this because this pain we have felt over the past few days is hard to shake. It is a pain unlike any other and I would not ever wish this on my worst enemy. My insides are still aching. However, we are NOT done. This journey is not over. It is not a sprint...it's a marathon. We are now looking forward to our next try with the hopes of success at the end. Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. We keep them close as we are getting through this difficult time together.