Chicago Tribune Article

Well, we got an email late last night with the link to the Chicago Tribune article.  It was pretty late but once I saw it on my iPhone I sat up to go get my laptop.  I tried to wake up Pat, but no luck...he was half asleep when I was talking to him or in the middle of a dream...not sure.  I just forwarded it to him bc he was waking up in a couple hours anyways.  I clicked the link and BOOM our picture pops up....I giggled.  Brought me back to the morning the photographer was in our home and we were laughing with him throughout the shoot.  The story was written nicely.  It was FULL of information!  Also - they seemed to take certain parts of our conversation and use them throughout the article.  It was nicely put together....I would expect nothing less from the Chicago Trib...nice work!  Here is the link to the article!  It will be in print tomorrow!  Don't forget to pickup a copy off newstands tomorrow!  We are stocking up!  This is our first and probably only time we will ever be in the Chicago Tribune.  On a funny note, we thought our baby is already a celebrity and he and/or she doesn't even know it yet... haha

Our Chicago Tribune Article

A Family of My Own Conference - Chicago - Saturday, August 13 - IT IS FREE TO ATTEND!

This is a big week for Pat and I.  We are preparing for the A Family of My Own Fertility Conference - Chicago!  I am preparing my speech and putting some final touches on it.  Realizing how much we have learned through the past 9 months, we would love to speak at a conference offering so many great resources to help educate couples who just started or to further deepen the knowledge of starting a family.  What people don't realize is that there are so many options.  Knowledge is power in infertility.  I feel like we have all gotten our Ph.D's in infertility because we feel we have seen it all and have done extensive research on various topics!  There is even better news!  The event is FREE!!  What a deal!  Come and check out all the informative seminars!  It is for both people just starting on their journey and people who are still in this journey.  It is a great place to be surrounded by people who are in the same bubble.  Plus, there are so many great speakers!  Pat and I will be speaking as well!  Let us know if you are coming this Saturday!  Also - I can't wait to see who wins the raffle with the prize of a FREE IVF cycle!  Whoa baby!  What an amazing raffle!  It will change a person's life!  :)

Register today!  Check out the website and learn more information on the event!  It is going to be a GREAT DAY!  Let me know if you are going!  We are so excited!!  :)

http://www.AFamilyofMyOwn.com

Should I or Shouldn't I? ...that is the question.

With the turn into a new month, the last month of summer, I thought I better start getting things in order for our upcoming cycle, or at least make sure everybody involved was on the same page. I called our clinic and confirmed all appointments, made sure I was taking the correct medication to prime my uterus in the interim, etc.  After the formal call to get on the same page with our checklist of to-do items, I felt like all was ready.  Just now have to wait for the date...reminding myself that patience is a virtue.  :)  Before I hung up the phone with the Donor Egg Coordinator Nurse, I asked a question that I was unsure if i even wanted to ask...but I did.  I started by saying, "our egg donor" was never told the outcome of her previous cycle....and I am not sure if this is against any HIPPA violations, but we were wondering if we could know the outcome of that cycle.  (you could imagine my facial expression, I am sure).  She answered, well I don't know if that is a violation, but I am sure I could pull her file and word it to you in a way that wouldn't be a direct answer, but can maybe infer.  Also, she just finished donating a couple months ago, so the data is fresh and she would not need any more work-ups done prior to your cycle.  I thought OK - that's good, so what was the result of her last cycle?  I just wanted her to spit out the answer already...haha  she said she would be right back so she can read her chart...

 

About 30 seconds later as I was still questioning why I even opened this can of worms in the first place, she said, "Katie, I can tell you that the doctors here have ZERO reservations about her donating her eggs again in general.  She would be an EXCELLENT egg donor to choose.  Her egg quality was above average and she responded well to all the medications and produced an abundant amount of eggs for her previous cycle.  I responded, You made that sound like there were multiples!"  She just laughed and said.  "She would be the perfect egg donor for you Katie.  We have ZERO doubt".  ...and I was able to breathe again.  I am so glad I asked!  Makes me even more excited!



He knows I have a problem with the whole patience thing...
he would buy me a gift I can't open yet!  The suspense is growing..
He is my prana.



 

On a side note - Pat bought and wrapped a present that can't be opened until the day we find out we are pregnant.  I wonder what it could be!  Better question is - how am I not going to open it right now? 

ABC, Chicago Tribune, and the PR world

As we get interviewed by ABC and the Chicago Tribune, and have photographers come to our home, we are getting asked several questions that we have never been asked before as individuals and as a couple.  I have always been open about our journey and try to help as many people as I can to try and relate to others.  Some of the questions are different though than the usual.  There are things I never thought about or at least never put into words like these journalists do.  It brought up unexpected emotions.  I was 100% ok with it, but I surprised myself.  Tears would roll down my face during our conversations.  I am still learning more about myself everyday.  It was interesting to see how the questions were articulated to me.  Makes me realize all I have been through since I was a child and where I am at right now.  Really...it has been eye-opening.

There are times I once wondered why this has all happened to me.  I am not just thinking the infertility, but the cancer.  I don't know why out of the entire world, and my entire family it was me.  Of course I have always felt a sense of unfairness.  That is to be expected.  Now that I look back at my life experiences through the eyes of an adult, I am starting to get the answers I have waited for 12 years to know.  I was talking with Pat and we were watching My Sister's Keeper.  Of course I cried through the whole thing (who didn't, right?)  It hit way too close to home for me.  We both knew it.  However, I wanted to watch it all the way until the end.  The most sad thing about this is that I had dear friends who experienced cancer right alongside me.  I had other kids my age fighting for their lives living the same hell I did.  The difference amongst us all is that we had different diagnoses.  Some had better prognosis', others were not so lucky.  There is one dear friend of mine that comes to mind watching this movie.  She was given a better prognosis than me to survive.  She was finishing up her treatment while I was just getting started.  She showed me the ropes!  All the cool places in the hospital...who was nice, who was mean, how to get through treatments and procedures.  She was like my "big sister" in the cancer world.  She was on her way to calling herself a survivor as I was just starting to lose all my hair. We would get our chemo sometimes even at the same time!  We would even get our chemo together in the same room so we can distract ourselves from the bad feelings.  Sadly, her cancer returned, but this time worse.  She was slowly dying.  Her leukemia that we all thought was gone after over a year of treatments, she had it come back twofold....so much nobody could help her.  She was now a hospice patient, and shortly after she passed.

As an adult, I realize not many people I know were sitting in the same room with other teenagers who were dying in the bed next to them.  Some of my life experiences are so horrible not even words describe the emotions I experienced as a teenager.  I said goodbye to people who I became very close to.  I still talk with their families.  One family even came to my wedding. Of course, I can't help to think that luck was definitely on my side.  I then ask...why did I survive, and not some of my friends?  Why was I saved?  I find myself asking why me with infertility at times?  (not something I do often, because it doesn't help ANYBODY), but in 100% honesty I do at times, naturally.  I get asked the question by family, friends, newspaper interviews, ABC correspondents, "Which is worse, cancer or infertility?"  That is a great question with several answers....cancer is out of our control and affects your physical body in horrible ways making you feel like you are dying.  Infertility is out of our control and has the greatest potential of breaking your heart in the worst way possible.  Having your heart broken is the worst pain.  I think the physical pain of infertility treatments and meds NEVER competes with the emotional pain.  The emotional pain is unbearable.  On top of my own pain, I have to watch my best friend in pain too.  It's just a bad situation.  With cancer, I didn't have to watch anybody go through it with me.  I actually felt almost lucky because I do not know if I could've watch a sibling or parent go through cancer.  I felt lucky it was me so I didn't have to watch anybody else suffer with the disease.  However, I realized later they dealt with much more emotionally by watching me from beginning to end....from losing my hair, several surgeries, and having my life turn upside down.  Both my cancer and infertility are terrible.  Both I would never ever want to see happen to anybody.

I realized that having cancer 12 years ago gave me a strong sense of something.  I do not know if it is courage or strength, but it is something.  Getting through this horrible thing right now forces me to bring back that sense of numbness and determination to just get through it with the least amount of pain as possible - emotional and physical...and strengthening our relationship in the meantime.  What is so wonderful is that we are more in love than we ever have been. We have been on an emotional level that puts us on a different level.  I know our family is going to be a strong family.  There won't be anything we can't do.  It has been validated that I am a LUCKY girl. 

I am STRONG because I am weak
I am Beautiful because I know my flaws
I am a Lover because I'm a fighter
I am Fearless because I have been afraid
I am WISE because I have been foolish
... & I can Laugh because I've known sadness.

A Family of My Own Fertility Conference - Glenview, IL - August 13

Pat and I were asked to speak at A Family of my Own - Fertility Conference in Glenview, IL on August 13.  Of course we said yes.  Luckily, we were available on this date.  We really enjoy speaking to the public at events, media, etc about our unique story and our journey with IVF thus far. We really LOVE helping people going through it!  I like to call it a silent sorority.

When I first started IVF several months ago, Pat and I weren't sure how open we really wanted to be about such a personal thing, if not the MOST personal thing to me.  Since I was 12, I always thought I would be very private about it.  I wasn't sure how it would be perceived by others that I would have to go through this.  Once we were engaged and the arrival of my beautiful niece came, the big question was thrown at Pat and I.  "When do you guys plan to have kids?" , "Can you have kids?"  How did your cancer affect your ability to conceive?"  At first my reaction was, it really is nobody's business.  However, when we started IVF, we realized how many people in this world involved in it making it so common in society these days.  We started to talk because of the sensitivity of the situation we were in and how we were going to move forward.  The more people we talked with, the more we wanted to share our story.  We know that we are in the minority of those who are open to share their story, but I am so glad we did.  There are days where I get random emails or facebook messages full of hope and inspiration from other couples with their stories.  I always feel that every story is full of sadness and tragedy early, but end with such success and jubilation.  To know, we have helped just one person feel more educated, not alone, not diseased, how to make it as affordable as possible, but just one of the many who are currently hurting from this disease of infertility, makes this journey different to us.  We have formed lifelong friendships from this.  We wanted to be able to help other couples for the rest of our lives going through this.

Don't get me wrong, I hate infertility more than anything in this world...it is the only thing that is out of our control.  When I first started in IVF, I thought of course why me?  why cancer?  why am I still hurting from it?  It was all centered around me.  I did not once prepare myself for the exposure I was headed to meeting the most AMAZING people that are in this world.  We hear so oftenly, thank you for sharing your story and being open, when reality is, Pat and I thank you all for showing us the true amazement of the pure kindness and generosity of people.  It has bettered both of us.  We have grown so much as a couple from all this.  We do not regret sharing our personal lives with everybody.  The support from everybody has been so helpful to both of us.  Thank you for your support and for those of you who opened up and shared your story with me.  It has helped me VERY MUCH!  There is a reason this has happened to me.  I know I had cancer and am going through IVF for a reason.  I feel that reason is to share it with the world and to help other people feel not alone and not scared of what the future holds.  Knowing there are others in the same boat brings a sense of comfort.  I like to give that comfort to others.  It makes the process just a tad more easier to handle. 

Good News!  Back to the conference!  We have just been informed that the raffle giveaway is a FREE IVF cycle!!!!  Yes, you heard correct!  Sound familiar?!  That is how Pat and I got started in this journey and without a prize like that we would not have had the opportunity to even start. For those of you without insurance coverage who are looking for means to help the start of your family, come to the conference and be sure to enter the raffle!  It can and will change your life!  Come and enter the raffle and also get informed from many of the small educational pieces that they will have there!  I wish there was something like this when we first started.  We were infertility virgins and went in with much naivety.  Knowledge is power.  Also, meet some infertility experts and some couples going through it!  It is being held at the Wyndham-Glenview!  Come join us for a fun day!  Register today!!  :)

http://www.afamilyofmyown.com/

Couple's Yoga at the Moon.

Pat and I attended our first couple's fertility yoga class together with Beth Heller at Pulling Down the Moon at the River North location downtown.  Pat was very hesitant at first about attending.  Being that he had never done yoga, he wasn't sure if he would be any good at it.  I told him not to worry, but it is more about the time for us to share together, connect, learn more about ourselves, and just relax and calm our thoughts.  He saw that it meant alot to me to attend so he did not hesitate to continue with it.  Also - he thought he could be more flexible.  He cracks me up.  Our class is every Sunday evening.  Usually I hate Sundays to begin with, but this gives us something to look forward to.

When we arrived, we saw many other couples who were all in this same journey as us, but with completely different stories.  It was an instant bond between all of us.  We all knew why we were there with our partners.  It was kind of magical in a weird way; a bond was formed.  The room was filled with a shared respect.  It is hard to explain that feeling of an instant bond, but this class portrays this idea.

We introduced ourselves and gave each other a little bit of information on our stories, where we are at currently with things, and our future plans.  Following introductions, We started poses.  Of course, I am next to Pat and it was a pretty neat feeling to be next to him while we are in a very different state of mind.  I didn't think I would like it as much as I did.  After about 20 minutes of individual combined poses and breathing techniques, I look over at Pat for the first time in between poses and we are both just FULL of sweat as if we just ran a marathon.  I smiled and I said I told you this gets pretty intense.  I could tell he was liking it alot!  He was being challenged by the poses and was doing a fabulous job.   I was proud of him!   The class closed with couple poses and stretches.  We agreed that this was our favorite part.  It was a neat energy to experience together.  We worked together on the poses and it was pretty fun.  As we finished up we laid flat on our backs as we restored back to normal and were preparing to end class as we laid there with our eyes closed next to eachother...I opened my eyes slowly and read a quote on the wall...something I had not noticed the last time I was in the yoga studio...  The quote read, "I am happy; I am healthy; I am whole.  I closed my eyes again back in restoration mode, and I started to just cry.  I was thinking why on earth am I crying.  I am in a very happy place, doing yoga with my hubby, and surrounded by such supportive people...why am I crying and why can't I stop?!?!?!  I couldn't answer this question for the life of me.  As we rolled to our sides and I faced Pat we were instructed to just gaze at eachother as we were awakening...we then instructed to roll up to the seated position and each put our hands on each others heart and synchronize our breathing.  We were so connected on a level we never connected on it was very magical.  Pat saw the tears I was wiping away and he just smiled and whispered, "why are you crying" and I whispered back, "I don't know, but my eyes won't stop tearing."  We put our shoes back on and started to pick up our materials in the studio and grabbed our tea and we were leaving to go home.  As we walked along the riverfront, I told Pat about that quote I read on the wall and that is what triggered my tears, and I asked him why did it hit me in a very strange way.  His response made 100% sense.  (This is why I married him.)  He said well, a very important and special part of you (my ovaries) was taken away a long time ago due to the cancer and you have not felt healthy and whole in a very long time.  So reading that quote reminding yourself that you are very happy, very healthy, and very whole regardless of your medical past.  Even though we have not reached our happy ending yet, doesn't mean we are any less happy, any less healthy, or any less whole.  We hugged and walked back to the car.  I still don't know how he just gets me like he does....I am convinced he was made for me.  I am still being amazed by him everyday.

Our first yoga class was beyond a success!!  Pat has a new hobby....he now practices poses throughout the day and wants to make our living room a yoga studio.  He is so cute about it.  ;-)  Fertility couple's yoga was such a great idea for us and where we are at right now in our journey.   

http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/

HSG Results

This afternoon I had an HSG test done at Loyola Surgery Center in Oak Brook.  The point of this test is to make sure my fallopian tubes are not dilated and allowing a fluid into my uterus that would cause the embryos not to implant.  Also, my doctor was very curious to know the condition of my tubes after the traumatic surgery I had as a child.  It was pretty funny that my right tube was VERY long and skinny (as it should look and function), and my left tube no longer worked.  Dr. Uhler didn't expect either to work because of my previoosu surgery.  They just did not have any function without my ovaries anyways.  Plus, fallopian tubes have no role in the IVF process.  The only thing that would affect IVF is dillation.  My fallopian tubes looked perfect and would not prohibit the embryos from implanting. The positioning of everything was right where it needed to be.  The results were instant.  I was able to lie on the OR table and watch the screen.  It was pretty interesting to watch.  Also, it gave the doctor a very clear picture of my uterus so she knew the exact placement of my system.  This will help later at the transfer stage to know the ideal place to put the embryos.  From those I talked to said that this particular tests helps the doctor visualize so much beyond an ultrasound.  Plus, it is just more data for them on me.  Can't hurt right?  Following the test, I was wheeled to the recovery room, talked with the doc while looking at the photos from the procedure in more detail (loved seeing the relief in her face and voice!), and went over some post-op instructions, and I was on my way.  I am relieved that test results came back normal.  All looks good!  Phew!

New, Better, Dream Job = Infertility Benefits

Well, last week I was made an incredible offer to work as an Activity Director for a Rehabilitation and Healthcare Center in the western suburbs of Chicago.  Of course, I am beyond excited for this offer because I will be working in Healthcare Administration and event planning/organization.  It is a management position which is a promotion from where I currently was….and I am given my own activites staff to execute my ideas and implement strategies with patients.  Of course, I accepted!  I have introduced myself to some of my staff already.  I have been dropping in here and there through this transition to get a feel for how things are going presently and to get them used to working together with me.  If anybody knows me, they know I LOVE event planning and organization…heck!  I do it as a hobby!  My initial thoughts were - could this be any more perfect for me!?  I can’t wait to get started!  I have already started the transition over.  I just can’t help myself.  I have started to clean my office and make it more personable, inviting, and more Katie-ish…  I have had orientation this week and sat in on some upper-level management meetings to get a better feel for it.  I will start corporate training within the next week.  I love the people I will be working directly with…very intelligent, friendly people.  But, of course the big question remains….how about the health insurance….?

After given my choices for insurance plans I immediately turn to infertility services/reproduction…and IT’S COVERED!!!  Yay!!  I still was in disbelief so I called the insurance company explaining I am in open enrollment, blah… and I wanted to make sure our needs were covered before selecting a plan.  I called twice to speak to 2 different customer service reps to make sure they matched in their responses, and yep!  The new plan will cover our IVF needs!  The responses matched exactly.  We are ELATED with this news.  Not only is this a perfect professional move for me, but it is an even bigger move for my little family to be.

Our Angel from Loveland, OH

Even with the saddest news, you find ways to move forward.  Sometimes it takes longer than other times…  We still have no words as we are both still stunned from the last cycle.  Purely stunned.  We were just so sure it had worked.

Anyways, the hard stays with you…not only did we have to go back to the real world, but we both knew had to start thinking about where we wanted to move forward with the process even though I still had no idea what I wanted, as I was still picking up the pieces from my broken heart.  We know we are both still so young, and know we have a time to go back to this, but we know we will still always wonder, but what if it is next time that is the ONE?  It was an EXTREMELY difficult time because not only did we receive bad news on the other end of the phone, but those were the last of our donor eggs.  We were all out of eggs.  We literally have to start from square 1 all over again.  That is what broke my heart.  Here I was thinking, we can not do this for awhile now.  We just don’t have eggs to work with because my body doesn’t produce them because of stupid cancer.  My heart was broken more than you can imagine.  I am not the type of person to ask around to friends and family.  I mean, how does one ask for somebody to commit themselves to a 2-4 week process and to give Pat and I a piece of them?  To me, it is beyond asking for a favor.  Of course this makes me so sad.  I felt in a dead end with nothing but just resentment and anger towards myself.  I just couldn’t even begin to start thinking about it because it would just make me cry.  Even as strong as some people think I am, I knew I was hitting rock bottom and very expeditiously.

A couple days following our negative news, Pat and I were showered with messages of inspiration and hope.  Even as sad and as low as we were, each message picked us up in a special way.  We read each message with smiles and tears.  However, there was one message in particular that was life-changing and touches my heart in a very special way.  I was conversing with a friend from Pat’s hometown of Loveland.  She has been following our story from the very beginning and even donated money to our Birdies for Babies golf outing last September to show her support for us.  She has always been one of our biggest cheerleaders from very early on.   Also, she has a very good idea of what we are going through as she began to explain to me that she was an egg donor before and was inspired by our story to donate to an anonymous loving infertile couple similar to Pat and I.  She shared her story of how she donated to a couple in the past and enjoyed her experience.  She was moved by the emotions involved.  Her word that described it was “intense”.  I thought it was a great word to depict the journey.  I thought it was so kind that she wanted to share this story with me because we are a recipient couple of donor eggs and we understand it, but we only had enough eggs from our previous donor for two solid attempts at FCI.  It was intriguing to hear a story from a donor’s perspective as I was very curious.  She ended by saying, “Katie, if you would want some help, I would be more than happy to donate to you guys.”  She said, “I don’t want any money from you, I just want to help you guys wherever I can.”  I started crying instantly.  I couldn’t believe somebody could be so selfless and generous without any second thought.  Again, I find myself amazed by the extraordinary people we are meeting throughout this journey.  Asdifficult as all of this is, the people I have met and those who have wanted to help us in such significant ways is just overwhelming.  I was beyond touched by the offer, I couldn’t help but just cry. I think I was feeling a bit of every emotion.  At that point we had no idea what we were going to do, but after this conversation, we knew where our journey was taking us.  We know God hasn’t forgotten about us, he has been surrounding us with angels as constant reminders to stay strong and keep the faith.  We know good things will come to us, we just do not know when. 

We are now in the process of moving forward, but now we know we have an angel helping us along the way.

The Results

Got the phone call....We are not pregnant.  It hit us real hard.  I was so sure it worked.  It caught me totally offguard.  Everything was perfect.  There is no other reason other than luck, and luck just wasn't with us this time.

Right now we are just going to be sad.  We are heartbroken and trying to muster up enough between the two of us to formulate our next plan.  We will figure it out.  Our time is not now, but it will come one of these days. ...but right now we just need to be sad. 

Transfer Day!



Uterus at 9mm with layers (1 week before transfer)



Transfer time has arrived!  My body has been cooperating better than everybody had expected it so things got moved up!  I was very happy with moving things up…of course!   Just to be 100% sure, Dr. Uhler had me visit her in Oak Brook to check my uterine lining that would be present less than 24 hours before the procedure just to be 100% sure.  She wanted everything to be perfect.  I measured in at 9.2mm and the lining was glowing. (as it should look from the progesterone injections).   It was primed and ready for transfer without a doubt.  She talked with the ultrasound tech and asked twice is this really happening?!  It was pretty funny at the time.  Dr. Uhler pulled me into her office before I left and said this is going to be our best chance.  We are going for it.  She mentioned we are going at it very aggressively being that my lining looks beautiful.  We are using my two strongest embryos with a plush lining.   She said that Dr. Lederer would be performing my transfer downtown as he is the doctor on call for our transfer date.  She told me he is excellent as he has been with FCI for 16 years.  I had no worries.  I have heard good things from friends about him!



Our hatching blastocysts. The top blast is already coming out of the shell.



Less than 24 hours later we find ourselves at FCI – River North in the lab room.  We got there on time (with a full bladder).  The Embryologist walked in and said our embryos thawed nicely and look gorgeous.  They also did “assisted hatching”.  It is a technique where they manipulate the shell and assist with hatching it out of its shell to improve chances of implantation.  Everything looked good on the lab end, which was very re-assuring as the embryo quality is huge in a successful outcome.  Dr. Lederer came in to introduce himself to us, and he started off by saying that Dr. Uhler had emailed him and said take extra special care of Kathleen Davis.  She is a very special patient.  Of course Pat and I laugh.  He told us that he went over my history and said that this cycle is the best my body has ever cooperated and that on paper this is the perfect opportunity to transfer.  He said my embryos were perfect.  They look very strong.  Again, I was reassured.  He did end by saying of course there is no guarantee in this science, but he feels very confident in my case.  That is just what we needed to hear.  He looks at both Pat and myself and said are you ready for show time?  And we nod to him…Pat and I look at each other and we could see in each other’s eyes this is going to be it.  Let’s get this party started.  He walks out for the last time as the nurse and embryologist set up the room.  Once room was transfer ready, the nurse opened the door and yelled out “Ready in Room 3”. 



Watching our embryos on the TV as we are seconds away from the procedure.

I lay back on the table and the nurse preps me.  They put the camera on the embryos in the lab so we can watch them.  One thing I noticed right away was that one of the embryos was already coming out of the shell.  Haha I know that is a great sign…It wants to implant very soon!  The doctor said yes, that is a great sign!   That is what we want to see.  This time the procedure differed a little it as it is a different doctor.  He went much more slower.  He explained everything he was doing as he was doing it.  He even instructed Pat on when to take pictures.  His voice was very calming and smooth.  He talked with such confidence…I loved it!   By the end of the procedure, he said, “Katie, I have been doing this for many years, and by the way the catheter moved around inside your cavity and where I was able to place the embryos, I have a hunch about this one that it will end successfully.”  I smiled so big and replied, “Really??”  He said “yes, I do.”  He listened for the embryologist to give the clear that the embryos were indeed out of the catheter and in my body.  He started to clean up.   He shook my hand as I was still lying down on the table and said best of luck to you.  He shook Pat’s hand and we were done.

waiting patiently (with a full baldder)



Pat getting excited.









The embryo transfer.



I walked next door to Pulling Down the Moon for post transfer acupuncture.  It was just what I needed!  The perfect end to a perfect transfer!  Now we wait for the pregnancy test!  Say a prayer for us! J



St. Gerard and St. Rita neckalce from my parents. St. Rita = Saint of Impossible Dreams, St. Gerard = Saint of Motherhood and Fertility.



Keep the Good News Coming!

Again, we went in for another monitoring appointment downtown and again I worry...naturally.  It is nice that Pat is with me for this monitoring appointment.  Usually it is just me running in before work.  Now he gets to see how quick these appointments are, yet important!  I found comfort in his presence being there with me for such an important appointment.  We are at the River North location and it is ENTIRELY different than FCI - Naperville....there are different waiting rooms for ultrasound exams and blood work.  Woah baby!  Pat actually got lost trying to find me.  haha  He eventually found me and we waited for my name to be called for the infamous "lining check"  Roberta the UT introduced herself to us and gave us a tour of her room and advised me as to where to change.  I walk out and lay on the exam table.  In goes the camera, and there appears my uterus...I don't know exactly what it is, but we wait patiently for her to measure.  While she is measuring she says to us that Dr. Uhler had called at 6:45am from home to make sure that Roberta calls with my lining measurement right when we finished.  Roberta said she is acting as if I am her little duckling.  I love that Dr. Uhler has been watching me like a hawk!  It is very reassuring and I feel safe! 

Anyways, back to the ultrasound....Roberta announces I am at 9mm with layers.  It looks perfect!  I could not believe my ears!!!  I look at Pat and we were both in shock!  What a relief!  We feel this really is perfect!  What a relief!  Mind you, at the time of our last transfer I was at 7mm with no layers.  This is night and day different.  So I am excited to see what is in store!  Next, we went to the lab where they drew my blood to check hormone levels...all looked great!  It was a great appointment!

Dr. Uhler called me personally to discuss the results later in the afternoon.  She said, "I just wanted to call and hear your excitement because I know you are!"  We were both very excited on the phone.  It was a great conversation.  We went over some stats and where we are in the process.  Overall, we are right on path to find the light at the end of our tunnel.  I couldn't feel any better going forward!  I know I am already glowing with excitement!  :)

Keep us in your prayers!

What an Early, Happy Surprise!

I did take 2.5 months off to freshen up my uterine receptors per CCRM's protocal and added acupuncture weekly.  CCRM did say this would work for me in their professional opinion.  I remember I was thinking, that's it!?  No different meds?  No tests?  Just a couple months to deprieve my body?  OK...so here I am, taking the same meds, same protocal, with a more of a fresh start with holistic treatments supplementing 2.5 months later. 

I walk into FCI and of course, think here we go again.  I have no idea what I am going to walk into each day, but I couldn't imagine it any other way.  Though my lining has caused some trouble before, I know that this time could be different.  This is where I belong.  This is the priority.  SO I say hello to my family (FCI staff) who work there, hear about their families and weekend plans....I sit in the waiting room reading the usual gossip magazine to distract my thoughts and to clear my mind going into the ultrasound room in hopes my lining is growing. 

I lay down and talk to Patty, the ultrasound tech with that hint of hope and optimism in my voice.  The camera goes in and she is staring at the monitor as I stare at the ceiling.  She says, "Do you want to know what your lining is at?"  (With the biggest smile I have ever seen on her face)  I said well, with that smile, YES!  She said we have a triple stripe at 7.5mm (which I couldn't get before and haven't seen since last Aug/Sept. during a mock cycle)  I was in utter awe!  I could not believe that I had the triple stripe!  CCRM mentioned that is essential to have with all cases and they do not perform transfers without it!  SO here I am, with a triple stripe AND 7.5mm - and still time to grow more!  Dr. Uhler is elated!  She said this can't be the same uterus as before...wow!!  Impressed is an understatement.  I am on cloud 9!  I am pretty sure I floated out of the office....I don't want to jinx it, but I am praying things continue in this direction....all good things are ahead!  I can just feel it! 

This could most definitely be the one! :)

The Science of Baby-Making

I am well on my way and loving life so far.  I am feeling fantastic, besides the first couple days I started my drugs.  The Viagra took me for quite a whirl.  I wasn’t expecting it…I should have seen it coming because I was on this drug before, but I think my mind-body was all over the place and I just felt yucky all the time and was immune to it.  How sad.  Now that I started fresh, with a renewed sense of what “normal” feels like, I can feel side effects more significantly.  Just for the record – Viagra causes BAD headaches and creates food aversions!  Being deprived from hormones for months, definitely hit my body hard the first couple days.  I felt a little woozy, but stronger than before!   Strange, I know.  I think my body loved it, but the Viagra definitely hit hard!  I am excited to see what exactly is going on in the baby-maker!  Haha Time will tell.

As I continue on this cycle, I have found so much comfort in my holistic approaches to treatment.  I feel it is getting me in the right mindset to tackle this beast of a process.  Not only is it helping by bringing my mind-body to an equilibrium, but aids in creating a successful body to work with on the medical side.  My previous shortcomings now are becoming less of a target as I felt before.  I have put less pressure on myself than before.  I have more faith in the process, God, and science. 

I have been doing acupuncture now for 2 months and it has changed me.  My stress has been minimized, something I was not expecting to the degree that is apparent…I sleep better, maintain healthier body functions, and have created a more cooperative body to work with for FCI.  I have also booked a massage with Cathy this Sunday at the River North location that is called, “Enhance the Blood” which I read at www.pullingdownthemoon.  This massage works on blood flow targeted to thickening of the uterine lining to prepare for pregnancy.  Being as how much I fell in love with acupuncture, I know I will not be disappointed with the massage.  They have created their own protocal of massages in a series.  Check it out!  It is called the FEM protocal.  http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/massage.php 

Plus, it is in the perfect location for spending a nice little afternoon in the city with my hubby!  We love spending days in the city every chance we get!  I have heard wonderful things and am eager to give the massage a try!  Like I have said before, I am leaving no rock unturned on this cycle.  I want to go into my next transfer knowing everything was done to increase my chances for success!   Also, it’s not like you have to pull my arm for acupuncture or massage anyways.  ;-)

Pat and I were given our consent forms this week to complete and get notarized, yet another time.   Here we are faced with our major decisions for our upcoming procedure in the not-so-distant future.  It is becoming very real again.  I am excited, yet nervous…   Cautiously optimistic is the best way to put it into words.   

I am a new, recharged, rejuvenated Katie.  I am all-around in a better state to find success.  I feel this is the one!  :)

All Systems Are Go!

It is weird that when this day came, I thought I would feel the same as before.  I feel 100% different than the first time it came around.  Sure I feel excited, a little scared even.  But most of all - this calming optimism.  I am not sure if it is because this is not my first rodeo, or that I know my support system grows by the day, or even just that I am ready and relaxed – leaning on prayer and spiritual guidance, along with the wisdom every IVF patient soaks up through the tribulation.  My mindset is in a different place.  I believe my coping mechanisms have strengthened.  I have found better strategies and solutions to difficulties I experienced before.  Most of all, I am excited of course! 

Pat is excited as well.  He has put on his “injection hat” and is geared to go…Now that he does research in the lab at Rush for his Masters project, I feel I am his at-home science project based off our latest conversations.  Haha It is kind of humorous to hear our conversations.  If only you could be a fly on the wall...he likes to request all my lab results and have them at home to read and analyze.  I guess it is good practice for him!  ha

Blood level results and ultrasound looked great!  Shanon, my nurse, even commented that it is even a BETTER starting point and the little break we took did my body good so far!  Always good to hear coming from her…being that I trust her with my life.  Not much to update, but wanted to share everything is looking good!  Even the smallest of good news is always worth celebrating!  Something I have learned over the last several months. 

It is refreshing to have our dates all laid out!  So much to look forward to, but definitely taking it one week at a time...